


Unknown Quotients

by Gwir-Weld y Galon (Gwir_Weld_y_Galon)



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Supernatural
Genre: AU, Angel Family, Angels pretending to be human, Demons pretending to be human, F/M, Girl!Crowley, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-10-19
Updated: 2012-02-08
Packaged: 2017-10-24 19:14:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwir_Weld_y_Galon/pseuds/Gwir-Weld%20y%20Galon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Dean wanted was to get his brother to help him find their Dad. He wasn't expecting Sam's housemates to be up with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The pretty brunette girl slid out of her seat in the back of a lecture hall in Stanford University and made her way into the corridor of the room as she wove in and out of the other students packing up from the class. As she hit the corridor, a hand snaked out from the shadows and tugged on her earlobe.

“Hey angel girl.” said Gabriel Jesu, slinging an arm around her shoulders.

“You do know that nickname is incredibly ironic.” She drawled, bright blue eyes dancing.

“Nooooo.” gasped her companion, snapping his fingers and bringing a chocolate bar into existence, munching down on it without ever taking his arm from her shoulders.

“People are going to talk.” said AJ, with a pointed look at his arm.

“Meh. You have a boyfriend, I have a boyfriend, your boyfriend is my brother. People can talk, it ain’t gonna matter.”

“Still, I wish you wouldn’t call me that. It makes me flinch and expect to be smited.”

“The word is smote. Hands off my girlfriend, Gabe.” said Zira as he walked down the library stairs and fell into step with them.

“Hey, Zira.”

“Hey, AJ.”

“Brain bleach! Oh Dad!” gasped Gabe, with his hands over his face as they kissed.

“Shut up Gabe.” snapped Zira.

Two figures with their arms around each other made their way across the corridors, and a third followed them, still munching away happily on a candy bar, until they were outside the law department. A fourth figure joins them there, and wraps his arms around Gabriel’s shoulders, as the four of them take off for a small house on the outer edge of campus. It’s not big, just four bedrooms and a little kitchen, and a small lounge/dining, and it once housed a creepy fraternity who mysteriously vanished after the six friends turned up (aided by some scrupulous screaming of things that began _Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus_ ) leaving the house open. In the first floor bedrooms lived Fergus Crowley, a business/economy major, and Castiel Jesu, who was doing theological studies. Upstairs, AJ Crowley, folklore and mythology, and Zira Fell, classic literature, and Gabriel Jesu, psychology and sport, and Sam Winchester, law. Well, that was what the records said.

What the records didn’t say was the three of the house’s residents were Angels, two were demons, and one hunted the supernatural. Gabriel, Castiel and Aziraphale were still trying to hide out from the big angel garrisons, and AJ was only there because she promised Sam she’d always be there and she wasn’t not his best friend for nothing, and, well, because she had an epic thing for Zira, that her twin refuses to call anything but their ‘epic angel love story’. Crowley… he was there because AJ was, and where one of them goes, the other follows. Sam and Gabriel were the problem in their little equation, because a four-bedroom house with six people in it is built for two couples, and so it came down to AJ, Zira, Crowley and Cas to handle it. It involved a karaoke bar in LA with a green proprietor, Savin’ Me, some ironically appropriate assigning of verses and locking them in an elevator. Zira and Castiel were still teasing Gabe over it, although given what they knew was coming with him and his own ‘platonic soulbond’, Cas couldn’t really say much.

Actually, when they’d found out about that, Crowley had given up on Gabriel and Sam and gone after Cas with everything he had. Cas had retaliated by dyeing their friends hair green. But for now, they were on their way home to dinner, and a cheesy demon movie marathon. It had taken Sam a while to accept that all his friends were either demons or angels when they had told him on their graduation day, after the ceremony, but now he was just used to it.

He didn’t realise that the world that they had so carefully constructed was about to come crashing down around him, and he was going to pull all of his friends back into the underground. He didn’t realise that his friends were going to make him and his brother the most feared demon-fighting force in the world. Right now, all he was thinking about was whether they should start with Demons or Sanctuary, and whether they had enough popcorn in the cupboards.

 

Dean watched the campus bus pull up outside the old frat house, and four kids get off it.

“Better watch out for the kids from Delta Ita!” said the young driver, as the girl and the three boys got off the bus. “Weirdos.”

“Mister,” drawls the only girl in the group, raising sunglasses Dean was sure she hadn’t been wearing merely seconds before, “we are the weirdos.”

He wasn’t sure whether it was the reference or the undeniable sarcasm in her voice that made the tallest boy in the little group start to laugh, but when he did, he threw his head back, and his face was clearly visible to Dean.

 

It was Sam. The boy in the centre of the group was Sam. What had he got himself into?

 

That was how he justified breaking in to the house later that night, armed with a crowbar. He hadn’t expected to make quite the amount of noise he did, but he should be alright, it was a big house.  
So when Miss ‘we are the weirdos’ walked up behind him and brained him one with a frying pan, he could totally be forgiven for not expecting it.

He comes to with a soft rock song he doesn’t recognise playing in the background, and the sound of an argument happening over his head.

“This is not how I wanted my brother to meet my best friend!” That was Sam.

“Well, sorry for thinking he was a psychopath because he broke into our house!” That was a girl's voice he didn't recognise.

“You didn’t have to brain him!” snapped Sam.

“He could have been Hastur! He hates me!” the girl reasoned.

“Well, sorry you have hell-beaurocracy problems!” groaned Sam

“It’s not like there are devil’s traps under our windows!” whined the girl.

“Maybe there should be.” interrupted a third voice.

There was a sudden silence, in which the music comes bursting through.

“Oh, I wish I was in Wellington…”

All three of the voices start to laugh.

“Wake up the whole bloody house, why don’t you?” came a British accented voice from the door.

“Yes! Let’s!” - that was the interrupter’s voice. It was positively gleeful now.

“Gabe, can we not traumatise my brother?” sighed the girl, but it was a token protest.

“No!”

“Gaaaaabeeeee…” drawled his brother. He could almost see the puppy dog eyes, even with his eyes closed.

“Guys?” that was a new voice. “Guys? He’s waking up.”

“That platonic soulbond of yours in place already, Cas?” said the voice the others called Gabe.

“Shut up.”

Laughter echoes down the halls, and Dean gave up on pretending, and opened his eyes, only to find a pair of blue ones staring straight back at him, into his soul.

“AHHH!” he yelled. More laughter followed.

“Hello, Dean. I am Castiel.”

“Cas?” said the girl. “Let him breathe. Hey, Dean. I’m AJ, Sam’s best friend. Sorry I hit you with a frying pan, but I  
have half of Hell trying to kill me, and the other half cheering them on.”

“Half of hell is trying to kill you? Who are you?”

“The Serpent. I rebelled. Apparently, while Hell encourages that in humans, it’s not good in demons. That’s my brother Crowley, only he’s more like a protégé, and he’s a demon too. Everyone else bar Sammy are angels.”

“Wait a minute. You’re living with two demons and three angels and you’re not dead yet?” said Dean, looking at Sam.

“Only because Gabe and AJ like me.”

“You bet we do!” crowed Gabe, rising on his toes to kiss Sam on the cheek, while AJ grinned.

“HELLO! SOME PEOPLE HAVE ASSIGNMENTS DUE UP HERE!”

“SO COME DOWN HERE!”

“AHEM? WORK TO DO?”

“HELLO? SAM’S BROTHER?”

“WHAAAAAAAT?”

Dean raised a patient eyebrow.

“That’s Zira.” said Sam. “He’s AJ’s boyfriend.”

The boy came hurtling into the room at high speed, his glasses pushed abnormally far up his nose and his sweater askew.

“What did you do? He's the Righteous Man! DOn't hurt him!” he yelled.

“I may have brained him with a frying pan…” Zira whirled AJ off into a corner and started telling her off furiously while Crowley poured himself a glass of scotch and Sam and Gabe tried to explain everything to Dean. Cas reappeared later with his arms full of bags and they all turned to face Dean.

“So.” drawled Crowley.

“What can we do to help you?” said Gabriel

“We’re Team Free Will.” said AJ with a grin.


	2. (What's the story) Morning Glory?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and the gang talk with Dean about what's happening, Gabriel chucks a hissy fit and AJ proves that she was telling the truth - which is ironic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued by popular demand :) love_in_the_stars, Renart, aurora_denian, this one's for you!And to continue with my musical theme, title stolen from the Oasis song and album. Expect musical chapters, and more frequent updates, because my exams are finished!

Dean frowned, and pulled his knees closer to his chest.

"You should probably sit down." he said softly. They did so. AJ and Zira sat on the couch, her snuggled under his arm while she draped her legs over his waist. Crowley took up residence in an armchair, keeping the bottle of scotch close. Sam sat on the floor with Gabriel in his lap. Castiel stacked the bags by the door and then sat next to Dean, his huge blue eyes full of sympathy, worry and understanding.

"Dad's on a hunting trip," Dean said, his voice never rising in volume, "And he hasn't been hime in a few days." Sam swore under his breath, AJ hissed what sounded like 'I knew it!' and poked Zira in the ribs. Crowley's fingers scrabbled across the table until they came into contact with the bottle of scotch, and poured himself enough to fill the entire tumbler. Castiel placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, having moved to stand behind the demon after Dean spoke. Gabriel ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"it's starting, Sammy." Gabriel said, turning away from Sam as he snapped a chocolate bar into existance.  
"Woah, Gabe. You haven't done that - " here, Sam gestured at the chocolate bar, causing Gabriel to tuck it behind himself so his body was between Sa and the conjured sweets, "since the last time a hunter tried to kill Loki-you."

"This is worse. This is Azazael." said Gabriel, shoving a block of chocolate into his mouth. AJ and Crowley flinched, a whole-body shudder, and the girl waved her hand to conjure a pair of sunglasses that obscured her eyes. Zira frowned, and pulled them down her nose. AJ pushed them back up again.

"They're back."

"It's because of Azaz-"

"Yes. Just, leave it, ok? I'll be fine, and it's not going to change who I am. I'll just be more like..." AJ's voice trailed off, and she waved a hand absentmindedly, searching for the right word. "Old me. The me who helped you with the Adam Young incident."

"What are you talking about?" asked Sam, his eyebrows furrowing with confusion. AJ took a deep breath, and took off the glasses. She had the eyes of a snake. Dean swore and reached for his gun, but Crowley waved his fingers and stopped him in his tracks.

"Just because she's the serpent, doesn't mean she's out to kill you, mate. Let her tell you what's going on, okay?" the man sighed, draining his glass of scotch and pouring another.

AJ smiled softly ay her twin, and he reached out, twining his fingers with hers, showing support.

"Azazael is supposed to set up the circumstances that will lead to the end of the world." she said, twirling a lock of Sam's hair with her free hand as she spoke. Dean shook his head softly. Sam had wierd ass friends.

"As in, the Apocalypse." Gabriel clarified, his butterscotch eyes wide, and a little confused.

"No." drawled Crowley, as he squeezed AJ's fingers. "As in someone blowing up a globe." Gabriel poked his tongue out at his demon friend.

"So he fed a bunch of babies deon blood to give them superpowers, and he was going to pit them against eachother in order to see which one would make the best leader of Hell's armies. I hated the plan, and told him so. He went psycho on me and threw me out. That's why I was worried you were posessed when you came in." The last part of that statement was addressed to Dean.

They all stared at her for a while, as Zira rubbed her shoulder.

"He's going to come after Gabe on the anniversary of Mary Winchester's death. Try to force Sammy to go back to hunting." It surprised Dean that his borther let AJ call him that.

"My death?' interrupts Gabe, obviously surprised.

"The death of a loved one. You are the most obvious, Lo." says Cas.

"So what do we do?" asks Sam, frowning slightly, and pulling Gabe a little closer to himself.

"We go and -" Zira actually smirked "Gank as many of those sons of bitches as we possibly can."

"We find your Dad."

"We kill Azazael."

"We put to smackdown on my family when they prove to have the personalities of walls." That contribution was from Gabe. Sam stood, walked to the door, and picked up one of the duffel bags stacked there.

"Well, what are we waiting for? We've got work to do."

And then, as a second thought, he added, "Dean, Gabe's coming in the Impala with us."

AJ just laughed, and tossed a battered trade paperback copy of Perdido Street Station into her bag.


	3. Strange Powers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam explains how he met his friends. Part one of three, detailing the childhoods of my Team Free Will

Dean and Sam were the only ones in the Impala today. Gabe and Cas were off tracking down the other angels on earth, Zira was back in Soho temporarily, Crowley was off running the crossroads, and AJ was picking up Sam’s college stuff, because distance education was fabulous. So Sam was explaining, quietly, nervously, but steadily, how he had met, and come to trust, his little family.

***

It was a small classroom, with only a few rows of desks, neatly lined up in pairs, but it was quite possibly the most terrifying thing that Sam Winchester had ever dealt with to date. Small schools were the worst, because everyone knew each other better. He took a moment to look at each of the teens seated in the desks, his freshman class. In the front row, filling the four desks, were four boys who could only be brothers. The one furthest from the aisle on the right had blond hair that stood up at weird angles, and eyes the colour of butterscotch that were full of mischief. The boy sitting next to him had big blue eyes and dark hair, and looked like he took everything deadly seriously. Next to them sit two boys, one of whom is obviously the teacher's pet, and the other of whom is the school's token bad boy. They were bickering quietly, but no one else was paying attention.

Behind the boys on the right was a girl and a boy, obviously friends, but looking like they came from different sides of the track. The girl had long dark hair and blue eyes, and a little sultry smirk. The boy looked like he belonged with Mr Serious sitting in the row in front of him. It was obvious the middle row was a compromise, because he wanted the front and she wanted the back, and the middle was a concession on both sides. She was chatting with another boy sitting across the aisle and back a row, and the two of them were laughing. Next to this boy sat another girl, with blond hair and a smirk, and in front of them, and exhausted looking boy with shaggy hair and a girl sitting so far forward in her seat that he was surprised she didn't fall off. Behind the boy and girl, in the back, on the right, sitting on her own, was another girl, looking haughty and a little stuck up. The only empty seat was to her left.   
Sam took a deep breath, and made his way up the corridor towards the empty seat. As he reached the second row, the dark haired girl reached under the table behind her and deftly flicked her wrist so that the spare stool sat in between her and her friend.

"You don't want to sit next to Lilith. She's a bitch." the girl said, patting the seat that she had just pulled up.  
The girl behind them frowned. The girl patting the seat smirked again.

"I'm AJ. This is Zira. And you're Sam, right?"

"Yes. Yes. Nice to meet you."

"You too."

"Most definitely." said the boy, smiling encouragingly, and shunting his own chair to the side to make room for Sam.   
As he sat down, AJ had gone into a rant about the cancellation of Firefly. Sam had, without thinking, joined in.   
After that, AJ, Zira and Sam had been completely inseparable. AJ and Zira picked a table in the library that became 'theirs', and slowly, over the next two years, as Sam waited for his Dad and Dean to come back, and pick him up, some of the others began to join their little group.

AJ's twin, Crowley (actually, his name was Fergus, but no-one ever used it), was the first to join them. He stayed for six months or so, and then left again, because he and Zira fought all the time. The next addition had been Gabriel, the boy with the butterscotch eyes, and his brother, Castiel. Gabe and Cas stayed around, because Gabe needed Zira's help with maths, and AJ needed Cas' help with English. Cas floated, coming and going from their group, often busy with the social justice initiatives he ran, but Gabe stuck with them. They became the ultimate 'cool' group of the high school. AJ was the ringleader, Zira was the brains, Gabriel was the mischief, and Sam had become their token Jock. His early claims at being uncoordinated melted in the face of AJ and Gabe's uncontrollable enthusiasm. AJ, Zira, Sammy and Gabe were a force to be reckoned with when it came to sport, even only if it was because AJ had a killer jump shot, Gabe could shoot the lights out from the three-point line, and Zira played basketball like he played chess - from the sideline, and in a very strategic manner.

They also sang, loudly, obnoxiously, and fairly well. AJ liked to sing Cute Is What We Aim For - especially I Put The 'Metro' in 'Metronome', while determinedly getting the lyrics wrong. She always, to Gabe's constant amusement, sang that she damned, as opposed to dented hearts. They were an odd little group, all laughter and jokes and smiles, but they worked well together. And now, they were approaching Prom, and everything was going to hell. AJ and Zira had decided to go together, and now Sam was desperately trying to figure out his options, as he sat on the side of the basketball court, watching AJ and Gabe play one-on-one. Becky and Chuck would be going together, and Lilith was Lilith, so they were out of the picture. He could ask Ruby, but that would be kind of weird. Madison might be ok, and he should probably ask Jess, because they’d been dating on and off since he arrived, but all his options felt wrong. AJ cleaned up a missed jumper, and she and Gabe came to snatch up a quick drink.

“Made your choice yet, Sammy boy?” Gabe asked, butterscotch eyes dancing.

“No.” Sam sighs helplessly, pinching the bridge of his nose. AJ starts humming Strange Powers as she heads over to where Zira is waiting, which is weird because she doesn’t listen to the Magneticfields, but she’s out of the way, and Gabe’s got a dangerous smile on his face.

Which is how Sam finds himself standing outside Gabe and Cas’ place on Prom night, waiting while Gabe loads his tux pockets with chocolate and Cas looks amused. AJ and Zira are waiting in the Limo outside, and Crowley is with them. They looked like they really wanted to talk about something while he wasn’t there, so he’d offered to go find Gabe and Cas and left them to it. He shut the door of the limo with a soft thump, and they all stared at him like they were expecting him to kill them all.

“Hey Sammy…” says AJ, “We need to tell you something.”

There is an awkward silence, and then Sam says, “Ok. Go ahead.”

“We’re not human anddon’tyoudareshootmeSamWinchester!” said Gabe, putting his hands in the air as he yelped out the   
last section.

“If you’re not human, what are you?”

“Me, Cas and Zira –“

“Cas, Zira and I.” corrected Zira.

“Cas Zira and I, whatever, we’re angels. AJ and Crowley are renegade demons.”

“And you are just going to help me? Look after me? Why are you my friends?”

“Because we truly care for you, Sammy. We want to help you.” says Zira.

“And because we believe that we can save the world by saving you.” says Crowley.

“And cause you’ve got strange powers, cause of psycho demons that AJ and Crowley don’t like.” says Gabe with a grin,   
making Sam roll his eyes and laugh.

“Ok. Let’s party. I’ll go off at you for not telling me later. But don’t think I’m going to just roll over, either. You guys are my friends, and I’m not just going to lie down and take it.”

All the others breathed out in unison.

“Ok.” Says AJ, and squeezes his hand. And then she says the words he could not.

“We love you too, Sammy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure whether to leave this as a one-shot or make it a story - help me out, leave a comment!
> 
> Gwirry
> 
> P.S. Stole the title from The Shins song _Girl Inform Me_.


End file.
